How Childhood Mental Clutter Can Shape Your Adult Life

I am not sure if I was aware of my childhood mental clutter when I was a kid. I do remember thinking how odd it felt that everything had to be just so in the home I grew up in.

I’ve been helping people trying to declutter their lives for decades. The mental noise that makes decluttering so hard almost always traces back to childhood.

For example – my mom was not too emotionally attached to stuff and my father wanted to save everything. Think of the conflict this could have created.

Growing up and what you did or didn’t have, school pressures, social struggles—all those things were the seeds to who we are today and who we are plays a big role in decluttering.

Your Family’s Blueprint for Order (or Chaos)

Your first teachers were your family members. They handed you the initial template for how to handle stuff, emotions, and life’s messes. And let me tell you, that template sticks.

When Everything Had to Be Perfect

Some of you grew up in homes where everything had its place, where a speck of dust was treated like a personal failure. Sound familiar? My mother was pretty fanatical about how she kept our home.

We all had to fall in behind her. I am one of four siblings and my mom did everything for us until the dinner hour at which time we shared the tasks of setting the dining table and drying the dishes.

Funny to look back on that recalling how put out I could feel at those simple chores which by the way paid us a weekly allowance.

You would think the images we see of picture perfect, almost empty rooms would seed the idea for avoiding clutter, right? Wrong.

What it often creates is an anxious adult with an exhausting mental checklist, someone who believes that worth comes from control and order.

Most of us do not live our busy lives in empty rooms. To the contrary.

Mental clutter isn’t visible—it’s the constant voice saying, “Not good enough, not clean enough, not organized enough.”

This is why many people are paralyzed by the thought of starting a decluttering project. They don’t believe they can achieve perfection. ‘Progress, not perfection’ is what we need to embrace. ‘Perfect’ is a fantasy in my world and I am a recovering perfectionist.

When Chaos Was the Norm

Others grew up where matching socks were a miracle and dinner plans were a mystery until the last minute. This upbringing comes with its own set of challenges.

Without a model for creating order, how do you suddenly know how to be organized as an adult? You don’t. You either recreate the familiar chaos or swing aimlessly at being organized.

Either way, your mind stays cluttered with uncertainty about what “normal” organization even looks like.

If you grew up in a home where nothing was ever discarded do you have trouble making decisions today? Many folks do. I wrote an article about How to Make Decluttering Decisions Without Overthinking.

Decision making skills are something you learn to change.

When Adults Fought About Stuff and Money

Remember those tense arguments your parents had about spending, saving, or whose responsibility it was to clean up? Those weren’t just uncomfortable moments—they were formative experiences that shaped your relationship with both possessions and mental space.

I grew up listening to these ‘discussions’ and the result was I always placed way too much emphasis on money or the lack of it. My relationship with money was to hold on wicked tight to what I had as long as I could at the expense of missed opportunities.

At the time I thought it was responsible to go without, now I see it for the folly it was and that my decision had more to do with the fear of trying new things. Believing the excuses I made was something I was very good at!

How To Stop Making Excuses And Start Living The Dream! is an article I wrote. In this article I added a video and I talk about all the ways we make excuses and why.

I sure could have used the Excuse Buster Cheat Sheet I recently made for my decluttering community Declutterbuzz. Grab your free copy now.

A friend once confessed to me her parents bitter fights over finances led her to become both a shopaholic and a hoarder. Buying things filled that void she felt and made her feel more secure, but she was terrified to let anything go.

The mental clutter of financial anxiety followed her for decades until she learned to accept her past and focus on what she could change now. I am so proud of her!

Your Early Relationship with “Stuff”

Your childhood experiences with material possessions form the foundation of your adult relationship with physical (and by extension, mental) clutter.

When You Had Too Much

Some of you had childhoods full of toys, clothes, and gadgets—maybe from parents trying to show love through things or compensating for what they lacked growing up.

This abundance often creates adults who struggle to value individual possessions or who feel emotionally overwhelmed when trying to declutter.

Most items we have carry an emotional weight, making it hard to let go of things. This creates the noise in our heads, which I call mental clutter.

What this means is some of us may feel weighed down, stressed, discontent or unhappy without knowing why.

I use writing, drawing or both in the morning to clear away stress and set myself up for a good day. I recently discovered art journaling and I have to say this has become my go-to morning habit.

I am showing others how the combination of writing a few words and drawing a few lines in the morning is setting my days up for success. By the way I measure success in how I feel not the stuff I have.

The Messy Mind Makeover is a workshop where I will show you how cool writing and drawing together is.

When You Didn’t Have Enough

Others experienced scarcity—watching parents struggle to make ends meet or having to make do with secondhand everything.

This often results in a scarcity mindset that makes decluttering feel dangerous. “What if I need this someday?” becomes a constant refrain, creating mental clutter as you try to predict every possible future scenario where an item might be useful.

If you grew up having too little and have worked hard to acquire things the fear of returning to “not enough” is powerful. But holding onto everything doesn’t create security—it creates more chaos.

Learning to accept you are in a different place as an adult, and therefore can let go of old patterns of thinking, is a goal to reach for.

Acceptance of what you can and cannot control is the key to breaking this pattern.

Accepting life on life’s terms is my key to peace. I wrote about this in an article Acceptance Is The First Step to Clearing Mental Clutter.

School and Social Life | Where Mental Clutter Takes Root

Beyond family, your school experiences shaped how your mind processes information, expectations, and social dynamics.

The Grade Chase and Its Aftermath

Were you the kid who cried over a B+? Or maybe the one who could never quite meet teachers’ or parents’ expectations no matter how hard you tried?

Achieving good grades was pounded into me as a kid. I very much disliked school and although I did not know it at the time it was not the studies I objected to it was the constant stress of being with my peers. I love to learn.

These academic pressures create lasting mental patterns. For me I was always being measured to my siblings. ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother?’ What an unfair thing to do to a creative kid. I understand all this now but as a kid it was tough.

I know now I would have been a straight A student if the stress of the environment of my school day was not a factor. I had no tools back then to use to combat my stress.

Adults who survived high-pressure academic environments often struggle with perfectionism that makes decluttering a nightmare—nothing is ever organized “well enough,” creating a cycle of trying and abandoning organizing systems.

Others can’t start decluttering their offices because they are certain any system they create needs to be innovative and perfect. The thought of “good enough” does not work for this type of person. I used to be this way.

I am now a more joyous recovering perfectionist. Progress, not perfection is my thing today! I will continue to say this as many times as needed.

The Social Scramble

Remember trying to fit in? Or feeling like the odd one out? I do, painfully so. These social dynamics create mental clutter that persists long after the school years. I can vouch for this.

Adults who spent their childhoods trying to belong often can build their lives around the things they think project the “right” image or keep things to keep up with the Jones’ to feel accepted.

If the day comes and these things are removed these people can be deeply affected because all their things are so wrapped up in their indentities. I am so grateful I did the work to know what I am or have has nothing to do with the person I am today.

When you spend all your mental energy worrying about how decluttering choices might affect your image this creates another whole layer of clutter.

In my 52-week course, free for members of the Declutterbuzz community,we tackle this head-on.

Community is so helpful when decluttering because we need to know we belong somewhere even when we let go of the physical trappings we’ve used to signal our identity. When the lone rangers among us go it alone—this is when these old patterns are strongest.

Moving Forward | Acceptance Changes Everything

Understanding where your mental clutter started isn’t about blaming your parents or reliving painful memories. Like I said it’s about acceptance—acknowledging your starting point without judgment.

When you accept that your cluttered mind has roots in your past experiences, you can stop beating yourself up for struggling. You can recognize that your challenges with organization aren’t character flaws but learned responses to your environment.

If you want to go deeper into the topic of Acceptance The National Library of Medicine can be a good place to start.

Wherever you are at today is not your fault and there is hope that if you want to change you can. Decluttering starts in your mind, and accepting your personal history is the first step.

Everything a person needs to create lasting change was taught to me in a 12-step recovery program and The Artist Way… acceptance, community, honest self-assessment, and taking consistent small actions.

Start Where You Are

There is nothing you can do to change the past, just start where you are. Use the tools that make sense for your specific history.

Join a supportive community like Declutterbuzz that understands decluttering is about more than just stuff—it’s about healing your relationship with your past.

Change can be challenging. Oh let’s face it – change can be darn hard. 40 years ago my life was going nowhere and now I am living the dream – most days! Not because I’m special, but because I learned to accept what I couldn’t change and focus my energy on what I could.

You can do this too. Just start.